sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
