either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize