Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
