my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
