remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
