i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
