talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
