It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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