Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
