he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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