I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
