I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
