so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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