I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
