Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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