What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
