you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
