Don't make out with my wife yet
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
