I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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