Kiss
Puke
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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