she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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