I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize