4 words: hood of his car
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
