Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
