So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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