if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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