just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
