i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
