It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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