We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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