If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
