yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
