Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
