He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
