i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
