Your face is a jimmy john
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
