Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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