His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
