my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
