i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
These tits shall not be calmed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
