We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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