Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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