the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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