I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we made out on top of his cat.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize