You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
