I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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