It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize