Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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