need another drink. this is the easiest way
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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