You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize