I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
