Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
