break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
