I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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