I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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