After last night, I could never be a politician.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
