it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
