Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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