I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
