I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
