i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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