is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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