just come out here and I will go home with you...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
