dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
