that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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