we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
